literature

Ragna Chap: 1 -revamped-

Deviation Actions

ElaryWakefield's avatar
Published:
318 Views

Literature Text

1: The Quest

Soren and Seir had been traveling for nearly three months together. They had become good friends and had gone on quite a few money making exploits. After all of that, they had come to rest in a small drab inn, in a little village no bigger than a giants thumb, according to Seir. The inn they had come in was shabby, as if held up by the termites that infested its walls. A few shadowy characters sat hunched over the blood-stained bar as a thin cat slipped along the outer wall, hunting for mice. The walls were a dull oak with a few shabby portraits of past owners and the king of their land. The pair’s current exploit was, much to their dismay, nil. With a heavy sigh, Seircantis, a rather large black half dragon flumped down in a rickety old inn chair. His black hair was pulled tightly back around his short rounded horns, like that of a ram. He was decked out in heavy black plate-mail with strange red symbols all over it, the symbols shone an eerie red from time to time. He wore no helmet because his skull was just as thick as the finest plate mail. He leaned a heavy blade against the table watching as a bit of the edge turned a deep black. Soren paid no mind at all. Seir’s blade had been forged of his own blood and seemed to like a strange shadow shifting from solid to something ghostly that might go right through a wall without any damage. This was a sign to anyone with even half a brain that Seir was a dark knight: a man of war, normally a ruthless cutthroat that was feared across the land. Seir, however, was quite the cheerful bloke. The only time he was rowdy was amidst a battle or after a good drink. Of course there was someone to make sure he stayed in line. She was a beautiful white dragon monk known by the name of Soren. Slender and quick, unlike her companion, she made a point of never being touched in battle. She leaned across from the heavy black dragon attired in long cream-colored monk robes. Unlike Seir, her outfit was simple, yet easy to move around in quickly. She stretched out on the table before resting her head along her arms. Her sea blue hair was silky and completely straight, it moved around her shoulders as she did coming, to rest elegantly along the cracks of the table. Her weapon was her fists and a heavy looking pair of nunchucks held her waist. They hung there neatly from her belt, dangling perfectly, even catching the light a few times as she moved. They were pure white and engraved with strange markings. Seir never got near them; they burned his skin on contact.

“Not a single quest in over three weeks. How hard is it to find someone that will pay you for help?” Soren grumbled softly.

Seir looked down at her, taking a long drink of his mead.

“Has it really been three weeks?” he burped before casting a glance around the run down inn. His gray green eyes fell upon a small poster. Now, Seircantis couldn’t read because he hadn’t taken the time to learn. Since meeting Soren, he had been trying to and she had taught him a few words.

“Wanted.” He said pointing to the sign, for that was the only word he could read. Soren got to her feet and stepped over to the poster.

“Wanted: Treasure Hunters/Explorers. The kingdom of Till requests your expertise. Princess Ranga has gone missing and is set to wed in three months time,” the lengthy white dragon read aloud. A wide grin spread over her face.

“Well now, that sounds like it’s just up our alley.  And looky there, we’re already in the right city.” Soren looked over her shoulder at Seir. The heavy dark knight nodded.

This was perfect for them, not that Seir was much into rescues, but if it meant being paid well he didn’t much care. A squat waitress appeared beside their table and barked what they wanted to eat. They pair ordered a small meal, even though they were hungry after the journey, they didn’t have much money. Two bowls of gruel and a mug of mead were plunked on the table a few moments after. Soren’s ears flattened in disgust but she dipped her spoon into the sludge and munched on it painfully. Seir didn’t seem to mind the glop at all but he could eat almost anything without gagging. He chugged the mead in two gulps before slamming it down on the table again with a burp so loud a few heads turned.
They gathered their belongings and shortly after eating, the pair set off for the dark and dingy castle of Till. The streets wound around the tiny buildings like garden snakes. Many of the houses were unlit and people stumbled around in the dim moonlight. The pair found the castle easily before they could see its high spinnerets over the other buildings in the city. It was a short walk because the city wasn’t very large. Soren and Seir stopped at the castle gates. Each gate was heavy and outlined in a trim gold frame. Soren’s eyes passed over the two human guards before her. They only came up to her chest even though they were some of the larger humans they’d seen in the village. They were decked out in heavy armor somewhat similar to Seir’s, but white with red trim. Each had a spear that Seir eyed warily. He could easily snap them in half if needed. Even as large as they were, the guards shook in their boots. They were only mere humans, tiny compared to the half dragons. The guards let them in quickly, not wanting to cause a fuss. The castle on the inside looked to be as large as the tiny city it dwelled in. The walls bore rare wallpapers and the whole place smelled of over cooked meat. The floors were wooden and looked un-matched next to the hard stonewalls. A maid led the two dragons on through the castle. Soren could swear the corridors were getting smaller. The maid walked quickly and Seir stumbled a bit in all his heavy armor. He had never been made for quick travel, he was a shield not a horse. Finally at long last the maid showed them to the king’s room. The door was almost too small for Seir to get in and he had to duck. Soren chuckled as the heavy dragon grumbled as one of his horns became caught in the drapery above the door. The king’s room looked even more lavish than the whole castle. It had several candled chandeliers that hung over the room, taking up most of the ceiling. There was a rug in this room that was made of fine silks and seemed intent on grabbing Seir’s armor. He gave it a growl and Soren elbowed him in the side. The king sat at the end of the room, a short squat man with a very tall black hat. Atop the hat was a crown, his kingly robes rolled out of his chair like a carpet, spreading out before him. He looked very pleased to see the two dragons, showing no fear like the rest of his servants had. The dragons greeted the king with bows and Soren did all the talking.  After the last exploit, she had forbidden Seir from speaking.

“Oh great king, we are treasure hunters, and we have come to your aid.” She batted her snow-white eyes, looking into the old king’s.

The king smiled, he was getting on in years and was glad the white dragon had spoken so loudly.

“Ah good. As you might be aware, my only daughter has gone missing. We believe her to have been kidnapped by a neighboring city of Du’Mar. There was no note left but the duke of that land has been eyeing her at every party. She refused him several times. I believe he’s taken matters in to his own hands.” The king’s face turned so red Seir wondered if steam would come out shortly.

“Princess Emerald Ranga is to be queen on her nineteenth birthday. Please retrieve my beloved daughter.” The old king spoke with tears welling in his wrinkled eyes. The king then motioned to a portrait that hung on the wall. In the frame rested a slender blond with lush curls to her waist. Her face was rosy but her eyes were dark and a deep green. Her elfin ears were short as if they’ve been bound down to hide them. She wore a fluffy pink and green dress, it was overly ruffled and wide brimmed at the bottom.

“I can assure you the reward for her return will make you a king among men,” he added watching Seir’s eyes light up.

Soren nodded softly before bowing to the old king again.

“Come Seircantis, we’ll have her back in no time, my liege,” Soren spoke confidently.

“Wait,” the king called as the pair began to move to the doorway.

“I have sent many on this quest before, all have been returned with their head on a stick, because the roads ahead are torturous. I suggest acquiring some hired help.” Seir opened his mouth to speak, but Soren was quick to shut it.

“Yes, my lord,” she spoke delicately, before ushering Seir out the door. The door slammed behind them and Soren shot a glare at Seir.

“What did I say about opening your mouth?”

“I wasn’t going to say anything. I had to yawn.”

“Oh sure, a likely story,” Soren muttered as they headed back through the small streets.

Seir just barely fit along the tiny corridors and twisted hallways. Finally they made it back to the inn. The moon was high overhead. Some of the darker residents of the inn had come in for the night, cut throats and pillager. Many were as large and burly as Seir, but none with armor quite as thick. This was a good thing; they avoided the pair that sat in the corner. The group seemed as if they could kill a whole city together, however there was one boy that stuck out of the group. He was a human, short for his age. The lad couldn’t have been more than eighteen. He was dressed in a ranger’s leather gear and wore some impressive looking dagger of a foreign nature. His hair was a mushy brown color and his eyes gleamed green in the torchlight. He had just come into the bar and happened to bump a rather large man with a mug of beer in his heavy fist. The man’s arm was jostled and the beer ran down his shirt. In a matter of seconds, the whole bar was in an uproar. The poor boy was slammed heavily into the wall, being pinned by the beer men’s forearm. The boy winced and looked up just in time to see a heavy fist coming at him. He closed his eyes but the punch never came. There was a heavy clatter of armor and the heavy man’s arm was behind his back. He yelled and released the boy. Soren stood behind the attacker being sure to keep his arm well behind his back. Two more men leaped up to help but they were quickly sat down by Seir. A few other men had gotten, up but Seir stepped in front of Soren Seir’s dark eyes flashed a warning.

“Trust me, you don’t want to mess with her. She hasn’t gotten much sleep.” He grinned before stepping over to Soren and looking past the brut.

Seir shuffled around them before hauling the boy to his feet then picked him up by the shirt back and carted him out of the inn. Soren gave the man’s arm a good twist to show what would happen should he try to follow, then followed Seir outside. Seir stood over the boy who was dusting himself off.

“Thanks,” the boy said, looking up at the huge dragon. Despite the boy’s size, he didn’t seemed scared of either the man or the dragons that had saved him. Soren came up behind Seir, looking the boy over to make sure he wasn’t hurt. They were now in one of the narrow streets just in front of the inn. No one was brave enough, stupid enough or drunk enough to follow them. They were in luck.

“That wasn’t very smart, kid,” Soren spoke, shaking her head. She recalled Seir doing a thing or two like that.

“It wasn’t my fault really, and don’t call me kid. My name’s Garth,” the boy barked back up at her, puffing out his chest as if to look bigger, like a cat. Seir smiled softly.

“Hey, the kid’s got bite….so Garth, is it? Alright, I’m Seircantis, better known as Seir.” The heavy dragon bowed his head in greeting.

“And this lovely lady is Soren.  You can thank her for saving ya.” The black dragon motioned to the white. Garth gave a nod of thanks.

“Pleasure,” Soren said as the boy smiled.

“What were you doing in that inn so late?  You shouldn’t be with people like that.” Soren scolded. “Were are your parents?” Garth scoffed leaning back on to the wall.

“Parents? Ha, I don’t need anyone like that. I’m a treasure hunter see, just started not so long ago.”

“Oh really? Mmm, funny. It just so happens we need another person to come with us.” Seir spoke, receiving a nudge in the ribs from Soren.

“Seir!”

“What? He’s well armed!” Seir protested.

“Not like he can use those things.” The white dragon pointed to the blades along the boy’s belt.

Garth frowned before spinning out the blades. There were brilliantly polished as if they were his pride and joy. They resembled a normal flat blade, yet were slightly curved and had a catch in the back near the hilt. This type of weapon was made for a quick spine-breaking kill. It also looked as if he could, and would, kill someone in a split second. He let the sharp blades whiz past his ears and one point even closed his eyes. His gloved hands caught the blades as if there were feathers. It was clear to see they were at least 20 pounds each. Seir glanced over watching as the boy played with his beautiful dagger-like blades.

“I don’t know, looks pretty good.” Seir pointed out nudging Soren in the ribs, much harder than she had done to him. “What are they called?”

Garth glanced at Seir, the blades still spinning higher and higher each time. “Kukri.” He spoke as if they would know what he was talking about. He dropped his arms and stepped forward as the Kukri dropped straight into his belt without cutting his skin. Soren and Seir exchanged glances.

“Mmm, alright, Garth, you may come.”

The young human beamed with delight as if he had just been given a present.

“Good to have you aboard.  We’ll be heading out at noon.” Soren announced receiving an audible grumble from Seir.  He detested having to get up that early.

“Oh hush you, if you didn’t spend half the night drunk, you could tell that’s the afternoon, not morning.” Seir shrugged before they moved back into the inn.
all work copyrighted Elary Wakefield do not steal/use with out asking.


So this, is Ranga. My new novel. This is chapter 1. I debated for a long time if i should post this or now. I would like some good feed back on it. But its long. Please read it and give my something i can work with.

I have 4 chapters out of 25? done :3 yah!

**EDIT**
:3 okay sooo i when thought it all again, wow it sucked before XD it took me over three days but its all been redone and reworked. Thanks to :iconqlockwork: be helping me out!! I hope you like this one better :3 I think i got everything!
© 2009 - 2024 ElaryWakefield
Comments26
Join the community to add your comment. Already a deviant? Log In
collapsedistinction's avatar
Bigger things:

The description is good (especially of the castle & the inn); pretty much all of your images work as I imagined you intended them to, and it was easy for me even as a non-Fantasy reader to grasp the characters and settings in a basic way, even if I'm missing any references to genre 'stocks'.

The speech is kind of stilted in places. The "she has gotten much sleep" 'witicism' (along with "oh, sure... a likely story") annoyed me by being such bland attempts at humour. "Hey, the kid's got bite..." / "...this lovely lady..." / "that wasn't very smart, kid".... stuff like that are said only in bad art in my experience... all a bit cliche. Maybe the 'rules' are different in fantasy, dunno. & though there are differentiations made in the *attitudes* of the two main characters (Seir and Soren), their actual speech isn't really distinguishable lexically, which is always a problem.

"This was a sign to anyone with even half a brain that Seir was a dark knight: a man of war, normally a ruthless cutthroat that was feared across the land. Seir, however, was quite the cheerful bloke."
If Seir is the/a main character, then I think you should avoid using such a prosaic description of him. Let the readers find out what he is like over the course of the book. It's not only less jarring (because it doesn't create an artificial 'this is what the characters are like' aside); it also allows the readership greater freedom to make up their own minds about what Seir is like, rather than being presented at the outset with this authoritatively authorial voice saying, "he is THIS sort of character."

I also think you should make the pair's need for someone like Garth more explicit before they meet him. It needs to be made obvious why they would just invite some stranger they meet in a bar on a difficult & important 'quest' without really knowing a thing about him. At the moment, the motivations basically seems like a thinly-veiled attempt at masking your wanting to write the Garth character. Flesh this out a bit.

"With a heavy sigh, Seircantis, a rather large black half dragon flumped down in a rickety old inn chair."
Needs a comma after 'dragon'. Also, I had to read twice because I didn't realise at first that 'half' was connected to dragon. I think that you should use a hyphen, so that it's obvious we're dealing with 2 adj, 1 adv. and a noun, or cut one of the words preceding dragon to eliminate the awkward cluttering of adjectives/adverbs. Especially relevant for non-fantasy readers, for whom 'half dragon' is hardly a regularly-encountered term.

Smaller things:

"half a brain... cheerful bloke"
These two expressions jumped out at me as being tonally disparate from all of the previous writing. Obviously, writing fantasy in colloquial terms (or even as comedy) is far from impossible. The problem is that this chattier style doesn't really re-appear at any later point of the chapter; making these two examples seem egregious.

"Soren chuckled as the heavy dragon grumbled as one of his horns became caught in the drapery above the door."
Re-word this so that it doesn't have two 'as'es; sounds kind of awkward.

"The poor boy was slammed heavily into the wall, being pinned by the beer men’s forearm."
Beer men? Men... made of beer?